Unconventional Love

I never yearned for love
I am unable to recall a time in my life where
I ever desired love or saw it as a long term goal.
As a young child
I never dreamt of getting swept off of my feet by a lover.
I never dreamt of starting a family.
To no surprise, it has not changed.
Love is nice but it is not a necessity to me.
I see it as an accessory to my life.
Yes-
I can understand how that could sound terrible,
I do not care.
Inherently, I am extremely selfish with my time and
I am also hyper independent so,
having a lover can become quite exhausting to me.
I do not wish to share my life with anyone.
I do not have urges to give up my body to someone,
especially if I can do it better myself.
I simply have no desire to waste my time.
It is rarely an internal conflict,
for I have accepted that about myself.
The only difficult part of this,
is when I catch myself falling for someone.
I do not want to have mundane conversations.
I do not want to go through another human just to live my life.

Contrarily, the only love that sounds tolerable to me is a quiet one.
What I mean by that, is a love that contains no codependency,
no passive aggressive comments, no pent up anger
being released on one another, no slamming doors, no aggression.
One that is pure, that flows instead of being forced.
A love where we grow together rather than apart.
A love where distance holds no animosity.
One that is full of unspoken acts that scream “I love you!”
One that holds no space for judgment or anger.
One where we can coexist doing completely different things.
A love where our differences and disagreements
force growth rather than a sinking pit in your stomach.
A love where you are forever each other's biggest supporter.
A love that never expires or gets sour over time.
It is not unattainable.....

-Khushi Kaul