The Problem

"You don't look good. What happened???"

I didn't say a word. I still feel the embarrassment, the shame clenching into my chest.

"Tell him what you did. Tell him", my subconscious talking to me maliciously.

I covered my face with my sweaty palms, shutting my eyes trying hard to erase that memory. I still feel my ears burning, the whispers and a slight giggle nearby.

He pulled my palms from my face and held them.

"Hey, talk to me", he says.

I look up. His eyes gentle yet concerned seeing me on the verge of tears. I took a deep breath.

"I knew the answer, but I couldn't do it", I said almost like a whisper.

I hate myself for not able to face the people. I hate that memory when my teacher called me to solve the math problem. The penetrating gaze of my peers behind me while I was facing the board. I stood there frozen to that spot, feeling breathless, beads of sweat forming on my forehead. I heard my teachers saying something, but I can't remember.

"Hey...talk to me. What happened?"

"I can't face them. They must think I'm stupid". A tear falls down my cheek.

"It's okay. It was just a stage fright"

"I hate myself", anger starts brimming inside me.

"Hey don't say that. You had a panic attack."

"No it's because you're stupid",

"You're stupid"

"You're stupid"

"You're stupid", words echoing in me. My subconscious critcizing, looking down at me like some pathetic creature.

"No, it's because I'm stu-"

Before I speak he hushed me and embraced me tight. Tears fell down my cheeks I cry in silence while he just stood there hugging me.

"Hush, it's okay. I know you're terrified of people and have a stage fright. You had a panic attack and that's okay. And hey, I need to tell you something very important".

I look up, sniffing and wiping my nose with my sleeve.

"Be gentle with yourself and don't listen to others and especially her".

"Who?"

"Her....the one in you", pointing my head, indicating my subconscious " I'm talking about her. Don't listen to her. She's a b*tch. You can do better".

I chuckle. He cups my face and wipes my tears using his thumb. I gave him a small smile.

"How about an ice cream?", he asked cheering me up.

"Yeah, sounds great", I smiled.

"Then what are you waiting for. Let's go!!!"

He pulls my hand and I laughed and gave in. We grabbed our stuff and walked outside school.

The sun is setting yet there's still light, hoping for a better day. And also hoping for brighter and braver days ahead.

- Khushi Kaul