Pain in her Hopeful Eyes
When I passed through the corner of the street, filled with desperation and hopelessness, my eyes fell on the old lady sitting near the wall. As usual, she was sitting on a small old rug, torn and worn out, with dust and dirt engulfing it from each corner. I saw her every day when I passed by there; her eyes were always fixed on the road. I wondered what was so attractive in the dusty, busy road that she kept staring at it with her shining yet mysteriously beautiful eyes, like a deep ocean making you drown in them. They appeared to me as the most beautiful eyes, but still, the beauty couldn't hide the untold story of pain that she had buried in her heart. I wanted to ask her about it but lacked the courage to do so. I started to approach her but lost my courage again. As I was about to turn back, she moved her gaze towards me with a gleam of happiness on her face that disappeared as soon as she looked at my face. 'Why did her smile fade away? Was it because of me?' I thought in my mind. I decided to ask her, but as I was about to ask, she started talking. For the very first time, I heard her voice, which was also filled with the same pain and longing. ''I'm sorry, my child, your shadow felt like someone else to me. May Almighty bless you, my dear,'' as she was giving me her prayers, she choked in between. I hurriedly ran to the nearby tea stall and asked for water. I gave her water, and my heart wrenched when I saw her moist wrinkled cheeks. They were glistening like pearls on white snow. She smiled at me, trying to stop her already flowing tears. I couldn't stop myself from crying. I didn't want her to cry more because of me, so I ran back as fast as I could.
Back at home, I closed the door and started crying aloud. My sister came running to me and patted me on my back, ''What happened? Why are you crying? Stop crying, Stop it please, you are brave, right! Stop or else I won't be able to control,'' she kept telling me while she embraced me tight in her arms. After a long time, when my cheeks dried and my tears stopped, my sister asked me, ''Why were you crying?'' ''I don't know what happened to me; I just couldn't control myself,'' I replied as the old lady's crying face flashed in front of my eyes. ''Is it because of your admission fee? Look at me; I've talked to Mr. Inayat about your condition; he asked me to send you tomorrow; don't worry he...'' she was telling me, but I interrupted her in the middle, ''He has already helped a lot; it would be a shame to ask for more.'' I insisted. But she comforted me and told me that he had called himself to ask for me. At last, she motivated me to visit Mr. Inayat, ignoring all of my excuses.
The next day, I passed through the street and stopped near the corner, where two spoiled teenagers were abusing the old lady, ''Why did you touch my ball with your filthy hands?'' said one of them. ''It just rolled here, my child. I tried to give it back to you,'' she replied with a calm tone. ''Shut your mouth, you oldie!'' another one spoke, and this time I couldn't resist myself. I went to them and shouted at them, ''Why are you talking to her like that? Don't you have any manners? Is this how you talk to elders?'' They didn't pay any heed and went away muttering something. ''They are mannerless kids spoiled by their parents; please don't take them seriously,'' I turned to the old lady. ''No, my child, don't say anything about their parents until you know the reality. You should never judge anyone; time turns things upside down. Remember this always,'' she said with her broken voice. These words seemed to pierce her painful memories of the past. ''I'm sorry; I won't do it again. Thanks for giving me such advice. Please pray for me; I need your prayers,'' I said. ''You are a very nice person. You are like my own child. I'll surely pray for you but don't lose hope. Nobody knows how much pain I've suffered, but I still don't give up. I know My Lord will never leave me alone. My child, it's hope which keeps me alive, waiting for my Ali,'' she said, as a lone tear escaped her eyes. ''Who's this Ali?'' I asked with curiosity. ''Oh, sorry dear! It just went with the flow. You were going somewhere; you may be late. I'll keep praying for you; I promise,'' saying this, she wiped her cheeks and gave me her beautiful smile. I stood up and left from there, but the name, 'Ali,' kept ringing in my ears, the way she said it, the way she longed for it, and the way she smiled at it...
I was lost in my thoughts when a man in his seventies came to me and said, ''Inayat sir has sent for you; you may enter the office now.'' I thanked him and knocked on the door. ''Come in please,'' came the voice of a man around 35 from inside. As I entered, I saw the man sitting on a wheelchair. ''Oh come sit here, how are you going with your studies?'' he gestured me to sit on the chair opposite to him. ''Your sister told me about the problem of your fees; why didn't you tell me? I have told you before; don't hesitate ever to ask for help. I feel pleasured to help such a bright student in following his dreams,'' he continued. After an hour of conversation, he gave me a cheque to pay my fees. I thanked him and stood still for a while. ''You want to ask something! Say it,'' he said, and I felt a bit nervous. ''No, actually its...nothing; I don't want to ask anything,'' I lied. ''Don't ever leave a chance for anything; you might end up regretting for it,'' he said looking towards me. ''Actually, I wanted to ask that why do you seem to be unhappy despite having everything, one can dream of. I'm sure you have struggled a lot to set up your business and now you are at the top. You also spend a lot on poor people, but still, you don't seem to be happy,'' I blurted out the question that had been occupying my mind ever since I met this person. He smiled and replied, ''Nobody ever asked me this! Anything people care about is my wealth, but no one ever noticed if I'm happy or not. You're right; I've struggled a lot to reach here, but my regret never lets me be happy.'' I was confused with this reply, as I had always seen him as a strong-willed and noble person. I was curious to know what made him regret, 'could it be his disability? Yeah! A disease can make even the strongest person break down,' I thought. ''I'm sorry sir, but I always thought of you as a strong person, one who won
It let any illness or weakness stop him. But after all, you are too a human,'' I apologized, to which he let out a weak smile, a smile that I felt familiar with. ''It's not the physical illness that makes me regretful; it's my heart that is sick. I've never shared my past with anyone, knowing that it will make me hateful in their eyes. But I can't bear this burden anymore; I want to share it even if it makes you feel hatred against me,'' saying this, tears started welling up from his eyes. I could feel his helplessness, could feel how regretful he was. But I was afraid too, afraid if the truth might be too harsh for him to spill out.
He took out a tissue from the side table, wiped his face, and drank the glass of water I offered to him. He sighed, ''You won't be glad to hear what I'm coming up with''... He took out a tissue from the side table, wiped his face and drank the glass of water, I offered to him. He sighed, ''You won't be glad to hear what I'm coming up with''
My eyes were glued to his face. while I was listening carefully, he started to pull the veil over his long-hidden regretful past, ''My father was a big landlord and I was the only child of my parents. They provided me with every possible comfort but my parents never felt arrogant of their wealth. They always taught me to live as a humble person. My mother, the best teacher of mine, always told me that time can turn anyone's life upside down but one must never lose hope. Whatever the situation was, she never complained and taught me the same. But my desire to get more wealth never ended. All I wanted was fame and wealth. When I turned 26, I asked my father to transfer his property in my name so that I could invest it to setup a business. He refused at first but at last, he reluctantly accepted my wish. I sold our land and invested the money in a company. Just a couple of months later, the company turned out to be fraudulent. They disappeared along with all the money. My father couldn't bear the shock and passed away due to a heart attack.
My mother was broken but still she told me to be patient and not to lose hope. My dreams were shattered and I was frustrated. A few days later, I sold the house secretly and took all the money with me, leaving my mother all alone without anything. I flew abroad and tried to setup my own business. I was selfish but I thought that I was struggling for my success. In the next three years I made it to the top and was counted as one of the most successful businessmen. When I achieved everything, I was too drowned in my ego that I forgot my mother, little did I know that life was going to teach me the biggest lesson ever. I got into an accident and my both legs were paralyzed. I tried every possible treatment but everything failed. If anything I got, it was more and more pain. That's when I realised what I had done. My repentance was very little for the sin I had committed. I felt that I didn't deserve all this name and fame. I thought that may be if I start to serve the people, my pain will lessen a bit. I started to give away my money for those who needed it. My physical pain was gone though I couldn't stand on my feet but my inner sickness left me devastated. I tried to search for my mother. Our neighbours told me how she used to work in houses and later got thrown out because of her old age, how she moved from here to there and vanished away. I was left helpless, I couldn't find her. My heart is paining from the wound of my own sins. ''Narrating his painful story, he kept crying like a child. I couldn't conclude if I felt anger on his doings or I was feeling sorry for him. ''Even if you find her, do you think you can stand in front of her'', I asked with a mixed feeling. ''I don't know if she'll ever forgive me but I don't want to die without asking for forgiveness. I don't deserve to see her but I can't endure the pain of her void. I want her to take me in her arms. I want to see her by my side even if she looks at me with hatred, which she won't ever do. I want to listen her voice, how she used to call me 'Ali', I want to be with her once again'', He replied with tears rolling down his smiling face. Suddenly I felt something strange. 'The name, Ali, I've heard it before. Can it be for real?', I questioned myself in my mind.
''Ali?'', I asked confusingly. ''Yeah, My mother used to call me Ali, the glorious but I failed to ber her Ali'', He relpied with his face soaken in tears. 'Is it a coincidence or what', I thought to myself. ''Sir, I don't know if its the right way to say but can you please show me her picture, if you have any!Actually I want to help you as you've done a lot for me, please sir'', I said with a strange confidence. ''Sure, I'll show you if you can help me in it'', He replied with a glint of excitement, a child gets after finding his most precious thing. He took out a small photograph from his wallet and passed it to me. Yes!I was right. It was the same old lady. Younger and calm yet beautiful. She looked different from how I had seen her before. Now, she had got wrinkles, pale face, withered lips and dry hands. It was different but still something felt unchanged;her beautiful eyes that shone so bright and her lovely smile. I knew what I had to do next. ''I have to take your leave now'', saying this I paced towards the door without looking at Mr. Inayat. I knew he would be confused and his voice did sound so, ''You said you'll help but you too are leaving'', I heard his words and left as fast as I could. After a journey of about an hour or so, I was standing at the corner of my street. I moved to the old lady and she looked up to me, ''Oh! Its you again, How was it, did you get what you had prayed for, your smile tells me that your hopes didn't decieve you this time'', She asked in a single breathe along with her unique smile. ''Yes!All thanks to your prayers, I wanted to show you something. If you trust me, will you come with me please, '', I pleaded as a child. ''Me?Where do you want to take me?'', she inquired. ''Please come, I'll show you, It's a surprise. Don't you want me to share my happiness with you?'', I said. ''Ok! I'll accompany you. I trust you like my own child'', she finally agreed.
With every passing moment, she would ask me if we had reached or not and I would just smile at her. When we reached the office again, she exclaimed with surprise, ''Where did you take me my child!I don't like these luxurious places, please don't leave me here'' . '' I won't leave you alone, trust me'', I said. . . . After a while we were called in. As soon as I entered the room with the old lady, Mr. Inayat froze like a statue. The old lady stared for a few moments and cried, ''Ali!Is it you my son, I knew you will come back'' and the statue like person in front of me felt as if new life was thrown into his body. He tried to run forward and fell down from the wheelchair. We hurriedly went to him and I helped him to get up. They embraced each other in a tight hug and cried aloud. But this time I could feel the tears were not of pain but of joy. I cried silently looking at both of them weeping in each other's arms. I could sense a strange feeling of happiness inside my heart. Like a huge load was taken off from it.
Back at home, I closed the door and started crying aloud. My sister came running to me and patted me on my back, ''What happened? Why are you crying? Stop crying, Stop it please, you are brave, right! Stop or else I won't be able to control,'' she kept telling me while she embraced me tight in her arms. After a long time, when my cheeks dried and my tears stopped, my sister asked me, ''Why were you crying?'' ''I don't know what happened to me; I just couldn't control myself,'' I replied as the old lady's crying face flashed in front of my eyes. ''Is it because of your admission fee? Look at me; I've talked to Mr. Inayat about your condition; he asked me to send you tomorrow; don't worry he...'' she was telling me, but I interrupted her in the middle, ''He has already helped a lot; it would be a shame to ask for more.'' I insisted. But she comforted me and told me that he had called himself to ask for me. At last, she motivated me to visit Mr. Inayat, ignoring all of my excuses.
The next day, I passed through the street and stopped near the corner, where two spoiled teenagers were abusing the old lady, ''Why did you touch my ball with your filthy hands?'' said one of them. ''It just rolled here, my child. I tried to give it back to you,'' she replied with a calm tone. ''Shut your mouth, you oldie!'' another one spoke, and this time I couldn't resist myself. I went to them and shouted at them, ''Why are you talking to her like that? Don't you have any manners? Is this how you talk to elders?'' They didn't pay any heed and went away muttering something. ''They are mannerless kids spoiled by their parents; please don't take them seriously,'' I turned to the old lady. ''No, my child, don't say anything about their parents until you know the reality. You should never judge anyone; time turns things upside down. Remember this always,'' she said with her broken voice. These words seemed to pierce her painful memories of the past. ''I'm sorry; I won't do it again. Thanks for giving me such advice. Please pray for me; I need your prayers,'' I said. ''You are a very nice person. You are like my own child. I'll surely pray for you but don't lose hope. Nobody knows how much pain I've suffered, but I still don't give up. I know My Lord will never leave me alone. My child, it's hope which keeps me alive, waiting for my Ali,'' she said, as a lone tear escaped her eyes. ''Who's this Ali?'' I asked with curiosity. ''Oh, sorry dear! It just went with the flow. You were going somewhere; you may be late. I'll keep praying for you; I promise,'' saying this, she wiped her cheeks and gave me her beautiful smile. I stood up and left from there, but the name, 'Ali,' kept ringing in my ears, the way she said it, the way she longed for it, and the way she smiled at it...
I was lost in my thoughts when a man in his seventies came to me and said, ''Inayat sir has sent for you; you may enter the office now.'' I thanked him and knocked on the door. ''Come in please,'' came the voice of a man around 35 from inside. As I entered, I saw the man sitting on a wheelchair. ''Oh come sit here, how are you going with your studies?'' he gestured me to sit on the chair opposite to him. ''Your sister told me about the problem of your fees; why didn't you tell me? I have told you before; don't hesitate ever to ask for help. I feel pleasured to help such a bright student in following his dreams,'' he continued. After an hour of conversation, he gave me a cheque to pay my fees. I thanked him and stood still for a while. ''You want to ask something! Say it,'' he said, and I felt a bit nervous. ''No, actually its...nothing; I don't want to ask anything,'' I lied. ''Don't ever leave a chance for anything; you might end up regretting for it,'' he said looking towards me. ''Actually, I wanted to ask that why do you seem to be unhappy despite having everything, one can dream of. I'm sure you have struggled a lot to set up your business and now you are at the top. You also spend a lot on poor people, but still, you don't seem to be happy,'' I blurted out the question that had been occupying my mind ever since I met this person. He smiled and replied, ''Nobody ever asked me this! Anything people care about is my wealth, but no one ever noticed if I'm happy or not. You're right; I've struggled a lot to reach here, but my regret never lets me be happy.'' I was confused with this reply, as I had always seen him as a strong-willed and noble person. I was curious to know what made him regret, 'could it be his disability? Yeah! A disease can make even the strongest person break down,' I thought. ''I'm sorry sir, but I always thought of you as a strong person, one who won
It let any illness or weakness stop him. But after all, you are too a human,'' I apologized, to which he let out a weak smile, a smile that I felt familiar with. ''It's not the physical illness that makes me regretful; it's my heart that is sick. I've never shared my past with anyone, knowing that it will make me hateful in their eyes. But I can't bear this burden anymore; I want to share it even if it makes you feel hatred against me,'' saying this, tears started welling up from his eyes. I could feel his helplessness, could feel how regretful he was. But I was afraid too, afraid if the truth might be too harsh for him to spill out.
He took out a tissue from the side table, wiped his face, and drank the glass of water I offered to him. He sighed, ''You won't be glad to hear what I'm coming up with''... He took out a tissue from the side table, wiped his face and drank the glass of water, I offered to him. He sighed, ''You won't be glad to hear what I'm coming up with''
My eyes were glued to his face. while I was listening carefully, he started to pull the veil over his long-hidden regretful past, ''My father was a big landlord and I was the only child of my parents. They provided me with every possible comfort but my parents never felt arrogant of their wealth. They always taught me to live as a humble person. My mother, the best teacher of mine, always told me that time can turn anyone's life upside down but one must never lose hope. Whatever the situation was, she never complained and taught me the same. But my desire to get more wealth never ended. All I wanted was fame and wealth. When I turned 26, I asked my father to transfer his property in my name so that I could invest it to setup a business. He refused at first but at last, he reluctantly accepted my wish. I sold our land and invested the money in a company. Just a couple of months later, the company turned out to be fraudulent. They disappeared along with all the money. My father couldn't bear the shock and passed away due to a heart attack.
My mother was broken but still she told me to be patient and not to lose hope. My dreams were shattered and I was frustrated. A few days later, I sold the house secretly and took all the money with me, leaving my mother all alone without anything. I flew abroad and tried to setup my own business. I was selfish but I thought that I was struggling for my success. In the next three years I made it to the top and was counted as one of the most successful businessmen. When I achieved everything, I was too drowned in my ego that I forgot my mother, little did I know that life was going to teach me the biggest lesson ever. I got into an accident and my both legs were paralyzed. I tried every possible treatment but everything failed. If anything I got, it was more and more pain. That's when I realised what I had done. My repentance was very little for the sin I had committed. I felt that I didn't deserve all this name and fame. I thought that may be if I start to serve the people, my pain will lessen a bit. I started to give away my money for those who needed it. My physical pain was gone though I couldn't stand on my feet but my inner sickness left me devastated. I tried to search for my mother. Our neighbours told me how she used to work in houses and later got thrown out because of her old age, how she moved from here to there and vanished away. I was left helpless, I couldn't find her. My heart is paining from the wound of my own sins. ''Narrating his painful story, he kept crying like a child. I couldn't conclude if I felt anger on his doings or I was feeling sorry for him. ''Even if you find her, do you think you can stand in front of her'', I asked with a mixed feeling. ''I don't know if she'll ever forgive me but I don't want to die without asking for forgiveness. I don't deserve to see her but I can't endure the pain of her void. I want her to take me in her arms. I want to see her by my side even if she looks at me with hatred, which she won't ever do. I want to listen her voice, how she used to call me 'Ali', I want to be with her once again'', He replied with tears rolling down his smiling face. Suddenly I felt something strange. 'The name, Ali, I've heard it before. Can it be for real?', I questioned myself in my mind.
''Ali?'', I asked confusingly. ''Yeah, My mother used to call me Ali, the glorious but I failed to ber her Ali'', He relpied with his face soaken in tears. 'Is it a coincidence or what', I thought to myself. ''Sir, I don't know if its the right way to say but can you please show me her picture, if you have any!Actually I want to help you as you've done a lot for me, please sir'', I said with a strange confidence. ''Sure, I'll show you if you can help me in it'', He replied with a glint of excitement, a child gets after finding his most precious thing. He took out a small photograph from his wallet and passed it to me. Yes!I was right. It was the same old lady. Younger and calm yet beautiful. She looked different from how I had seen her before. Now, she had got wrinkles, pale face, withered lips and dry hands. It was different but still something felt unchanged;her beautiful eyes that shone so bright and her lovely smile. I knew what I had to do next. ''I have to take your leave now'', saying this I paced towards the door without looking at Mr. Inayat. I knew he would be confused and his voice did sound so, ''You said you'll help but you too are leaving'', I heard his words and left as fast as I could. After a journey of about an hour or so, I was standing at the corner of my street. I moved to the old lady and she looked up to me, ''Oh! Its you again, How was it, did you get what you had prayed for, your smile tells me that your hopes didn't decieve you this time'', She asked in a single breathe along with her unique smile. ''Yes!All thanks to your prayers, I wanted to show you something. If you trust me, will you come with me please, '', I pleaded as a child. ''Me?Where do you want to take me?'', she inquired. ''Please come, I'll show you, It's a surprise. Don't you want me to share my happiness with you?'', I said. ''Ok! I'll accompany you. I trust you like my own child'', she finally agreed.
With every passing moment, she would ask me if we had reached or not and I would just smile at her. When we reached the office again, she exclaimed with surprise, ''Where did you take me my child!I don't like these luxurious places, please don't leave me here'' . '' I won't leave you alone, trust me'', I said. . . . After a while we were called in. As soon as I entered the room with the old lady, Mr. Inayat froze like a statue. The old lady stared for a few moments and cried, ''Ali!Is it you my son, I knew you will come back'' and the statue like person in front of me felt as if new life was thrown into his body. He tried to run forward and fell down from the wheelchair. We hurriedly went to him and I helped him to get up. They embraced each other in a tight hug and cried aloud. But this time I could feel the tears were not of pain but of joy. I cried silently looking at both of them weeping in each other's arms. I could sense a strange feeling of happiness inside my heart. Like a huge load was taken off from it.
- Khushi Kaul
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